Just try it, you will become addicted if you enjoy word games!!

Dreaming of another man. Dreaming of his funeral over and over and over (he is not dead as far as I know). Very strange. Very disturbed sleep. This man was a school friend of mine, I have not seen him for many years and have no idea what he is doing now. Why he came into my head I don’t know. Not a nice thing to be dreaming of funerals.

A month or so I was wondering where our family should settle. This troubled me for some time. I would love to have our children grow up in the one place, so that when they think of their childhood they have a solid memory of home and hopefully we will stay in the same area once they are grown and have their own families. Ian grew up in the one house, his parents are still there, his dad grew up in this area as well and his mum also spent some of her childhood years growing up here. My parents are from overseas and they both moved alot before settling in the mountains. I grew up here and have married a man who would love to stay here and raise our family here as well. We are yet to buy our own home, maybe we never will, but our home is here now. Ian and I were on our way to having explored many of the bush tracks and secret local spots when the kids came along, soon they can join us in this. I know Ian’s parents, especially his dad, have probably completed this long ago.

The idea of “putting down roots” never held much importance to me. Now I have changed my mind. Some very dear friends of ours moved away and we have some others who are likely to move in the near future. I always thought that we would too. Dreams of living by the water, of living in a different culture and just living away from where we grew up have always been in the back of my mind. I have been praying about this for a long time and those of you who are close to me will already know that I have felt unsettled for a while. Well I received an answer to those prayers a little while ago. I was praying about this issue then I just had an overwhelming feeling like I and my family were where they are supposed to be for now. Many of my friends and other people I know live away from there immediate and extended family, they have always looked on my situation as being ideal. I didn’t really see it that way until recently. A lady I don’t really know from church shared with me how they chose to live in the mountains as it was “a place where a family could put down roots”. She meant that after a while you would belong, your kids would belong and their kids. A place that one could return to and feel like you were home a place you would know. Her family has just started this process. Ours was started long ago by our grandparents and parents.We will continue this way for the moment, who knows what God has in store for us.  Although thoughts of “what if?” often play on my mind, now it is enough to know that we can be happy here too.

This is certainly not the way that everyone will choose to live, I never thought that I would. Some of us have homes that we will return to for special occasions, family gatherings and Christmas. I want our home to be that place for our family. To be the rock that they can cling to or let go of and the place where the door is always open to them. Will I feel discontent staying in the same place? Definitely, but can I accept that for the moment? I hope so.

Would I feel this way if Ians job was different? Maybe. I am not a city girl. I would rather the sounds of the bush or waves and a feeling of space. I would be happy living miles from the nearest city. However, the nature of Ians job means that we (for the time being) need to live in approximately 100km radius of a city. At the moment it is Sydney. Why stay here then? Unless we could move further south or far north, I don’t know if we would want to. North away from the cities and near the ocean and rainforests. South on the ocean and near the bush or farm land would both be ideal. Both at the moment dreams that are unlikely to be fulfilled for a long time.

Interesting article about some of the decisions awaiting those couples that choose IVF. What can you do with those extra embryos?

Just for the record I do not agree with IVF. It poses real ethical issues that I just can not agree with. I know that many people will have varied opinions about this, however I do believe that your child starts at conception and even if one is well intentioned to use all the fertilized eggs before you start the process, you can’t really make that decision until you already have some children and are coping with them. So you can’t decide before. “Donating” the extra embryos, to me, seems like the only real option if you were to choose IVF. Yes I do have children of my own so I do not know what it is like to be unable to conceive. It is a very painful issue and is becoming more so as more and more women are waiting too long to try to have kids in favour of a career then realising that there bodies are not young forever.